Wednesday, May 2, 2012

"God is so good, He's so good to me"

Well this post has not gone as planned!!! I wanted to quickly jot down a few words and post some fun pictures while Charlotte naps. Key word: QUICKLY. Problems started when I logged onto photobucket and discovered they have changed there editing system so I can no longer quickly create collages. I do not want nor have the time to spend hours creating custom photo collages; hence, this post will be old school and merely place one picture after the next. Next problem, Google chrome. It seems I had to upgrade in order for my blog to work and I don’t like it. I am not computer savvy and am not a fan of change. Anywho, all that is to say this will not be a great blog post 

 Yet on a happier note, Charlotte was once again an amazing sport with her latest surgery. I had been extremely worried about not being able to feed her but she did phenomenal. The night before surgery Charlotte ate everything in sight. I attribute her binge eating to God’s all surpassing grace. The hardest part was once again, handing her over to a nurse and having to watch her leave. She was very distraught and I lost it as soon as she was out of my sight. Honestly, just the memory of it makes me cry. I lost it again when they took me to see her after surgery. I cried mostly from relief and a little from heart ache. It is painful to see your child so vulnerable and small. Charlotte was still groggy from being put under and her bloody eyes broke my heart. Soon after they lead us back we were sent on our way. It was a long and emotional day but it went extremely well. Charlotte recovered quickly from the eye surgery. Intubation made her breathing horrendous for a few days but she finally recovered from that as well. We went back to Birmingham yesterday and were given the great news that her eyes seem to be recovering well. We will go back in three months for a check up.

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me going wild with editing :)

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I am thrilled with a good report yet worn flat out. I had forgotten that the end of pregnancy is much like the beginning: completely draining. Charlotte has been very good yet the day to day rigors leave me exhausted. Yesterday, I thought therapy time would literally break my back. I often get frustrated but know that it will be worth the effort. I’ve said to my mom many times that one of the hard and great things about being a mom is the fact that you must give up all vices. It starts when you are pregnant. You can’t drink, smoke, or even have Advil. (I really miss Advil). And it continues on, especially if you are nursing. You can’t call in sick, you can’t decide to sit on the couch and watch movies for hours, and you can’t lay in bed all day in self pity. Maybe you can do some of those things a little, but you have to get up and feed your child breakfast. You have to change their diapers and if need be, do therapy time. You can’t cave to your self nearly as much because you must ALWAYS be a mother.

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There are definitely moments where I think it would be wonderful to lay in bed all day’ Yet, Charlotte will inevitably give me a hug or babble something funny, and I realize that giving up my selfish desires is much more rewarding. If only I could grasp that concept all the time. I know with the arrival of a second child I will have to be less selfish. It scares me, thinking about what I might have to give up. But I know that God calls us to a life of service and it is in service to God and to others that we find joy. I forget all too often and think doing my own thing will make me happy. I am praying that with Margaret’s arrival and the extra work it will require, God will equip me and remind me of the joy that is found outside of my self.

 Charlotte and Lilly:

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 I won’t lie; I want to pout when I think of the next two weeks. I have to go to the OB every week from here on out, and her office is about 1hr from my house. Along with those visit we have Charlotte’s SB clinic (2 days in B’ham) and the following week Urology (also 2 days in B’ham). Then I will only have two weeks before my due date. And like most expectant mothers I still have a list a mile long I need to accomplish before Margaret arrives. And what if she arrives early?!! I am trying to remember those wise words by Elizabeth Elliot: “God does not grant us grace for our imaginations. It is ‘this day our daily bread.’”

 Yes, I am only 4.5 weeks from d-day and there is much to do. But on the much much brighter side: I won’t have to be pregnant any more!! And even more wonderful, I will get to meet this tiny being who kicks and squirms in my belly. This child who God knew before I even had an idea of her. This little girl who I know will add so much joy to our family. I can’t wait to meet you Margaret and my heart sings when I think of your sister meeting you for the first time.

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She can be so serious but when she smiles it rocks my world!

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SO very thrilled she gets to be a big sister.

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Anonymous said...

The pictures are beyond fabulous...they make me want to just hug and squeeze little Charlotte!!!
xxoo Aunt Katey

Randi B said...

Charlotte is just beautiful. Good luck with your next few weeks of pregnancy. I really enjoy reading your blogs, keep writing :)

Mimi said...

Esther, I love you more with every blog. How "Blessed" are those girls to have you as their Mother, one who loves the Lord with all your heart and "He" will provide the strength you need one day at a time. Trust me (I've been there). I love you too Ben, my prayers will be with your little family in the busy days ahead. God Bless

Dana said...

Love the pictures! Maybe it's just my imagination, but it seems that her eyes are much more straight ahead in the photos. So glad that she is recovering quickly! Thanks for the reminder that God doesn't give us grace for our imaginations. :) That is such an awesome quote. Praying for your upcoming weeks and for Margaret's arrival! Hope all goes well at Clinic next week!

Susan B. said...

Charlotte gets more beautiful every day! Cute as a bug's ear! Her eyes are perfectly straight. I bet she can see better, too! Those pics are precious. Thanks for taking the time to share them. The only thing is I just wish Lily would keep her tongue to herself. I don't like her licking my baby. Yuck! She's too sweet for that. Y'all are a blessed bunch and I look forward meeting the little one coming soon. Love you! Aunt Choo Choo