"Well you send my life a whirling/ Darling when your twirling/ On the floor"

Life really hasn’t slowed down and I don’t know that it ever will. These last few weeks have drained me quite a bit with all the travel. Yet, we have had some wonderful moments.

We were able to visit with KayKay and Bob, Ben’s grandparents. It was wonderful to spend time with them.

 

Charlotte took to KayKay right away.

We attended SB clinic May 9. I was trying not to be anxious but at our last visit we received the shocking news that Charlotte’s shunt was malfunctioning. She seemed to be doing so well but I worried any way. God is so good. In fact, we received great reports at Clinic. The best news was from her Ortho doctor, Dr. Khoury. As you may remember, Charlotte has had issues with her right hip (the ball and socket weren’t well formed). He warned us of the possibility of surgery. At the last visit her hip had improved enough that surgery did not seem necessary. At this visit, Dr. Khoury told us her hip x-ray was normal and that this does not typical happen. Thank you so much for your prayers. God hears them all and this time He saw fit to restore Charlotte’s hip!!!

 The following week we had good reports from Urology as well. Charlotte’s kidneys are continuing to grow and we do not need in and out catheterization at this time. I know that in and out cath’s will most likely be in our future but I was so grateful to hear we are good with diapers since I will have two in diapers very soon.

We did have a bit of a scare last week. Margaret decided to be still all day Monday and worked me into a nervous panic. I ended up heading to the hospital for monitoring. Of course, once we decided to sign in she started to kick up a storm. I think she thought “well my sister has all these special doctor visits, I need one too.” Monitoring showed she was fine and my visit to the OB informed us that she is head down and dropped. This was encouraging to me because I am trying to avoid another C-section. In fact, I’m going to try to avoid drugs all together.

A drug free birth is not exactly common these days; especially in a state where home birth is actually illegal. I am choosing this rout not because I’m tough (honestly, I’m a wimp) but after much research, prayer, and consideration I feel it is my best option. Of course, if complications arise and I have to have another c-section, I will try to accept it joyfully. My end goal is a healthy little girl!

Newest pic:

I’m 38 weeks pregnant and about to bust.

Like most women at this point I am ready to deliver. NO, I have NO CLUE how to raise two kids but I’m ready for the next challenge. I know that you don’t get sleep with a newborn and that they require mountains of work. Those first few weeks with Charlotte were very tough. Still, I am not a fan of being pregnant, but I’m a huge fan of swaddling, nursing, kissing, rocking, and loving on a newborn. Yes, it is tough but there is the joy of holding your child in your arms. There is the immense pleasure of seeing their sweet little face for the first time. There is the heart stopping love you experience as they wrap tiny fingers around your finger. I am in love with Mary Margaret but I know how it abounds ten fold when they finally arrive. I am ready and excited to meet this child who will carry another piece of my heart. 

"God is so good, He's so good to me"

Well this post has not gone as planned!!! I wanted to quickly jot down a few words and post some fun pictures while Charlotte naps. Key word: QUICKLY. Problems started when I logged onto photobucket and discovered they have changed there editing system so I can no longer quickly create collages. I do not want nor have the time to spend hours creating custom photo collages; hence, this post will be old school and merely place one picture after the next. Next problem, Google chrome. It seems I had to upgrade in order for my blog to work and I don’t like it. I am not computer savvy and am not a fan of change. Anywho, all that is to say this will not be a great blog post 

 Yet on a happier note, Charlotte was once again an amazing sport with her latest surgery. I had been extremely worried about not being able to feed her but she did phenomenal. The night before surgery Charlotte ate everything in sight. I attribute her binge eating to God’s all surpassing grace. The hardest part was once again, handing her over to a nurse and having to watch her leave. She was very distraught and I lost it as soon as she was out of my sight. Honestly, just the memory of it makes me cry. I lost it again when they took me to see her after surgery. I cried mostly from relief and a little from heart ache. It is painful to see your child so vulnerable and small. Charlotte was still groggy from being put under and her bloody eyes broke my heart. Soon after they lead us back we were sent on our way. It was a long and emotional day but it went extremely well. Charlotte recovered quickly from the eye surgery. Intubation made her breathing horrendous for a few days but she finally recovered from that as well. We went back to Birmingham yesterday and were given the great news that her eyes seem to be recovering well. We will go back in three months for a check up.

 

me going wild with editing :)

 

I am thrilled with a good report yet worn flat out. I had forgotten that the end of pregnancy is much like the beginning: completely draining. Charlotte has been very good yet the day to day rigors leave me exhausted. Yesterday, I thought therapy time would literally break my back. I often get frustrated but know that it will be worth the effort. I’ve said to my mom many times that one of the hard and great things about being a mom is the fact that you must give up all vices. It starts when you are pregnant. You can’t drink, smoke, or even have Advil. (I really miss Advil). And it continues on, especially if you are nursing. You can’t call in sick, you can’t decide to sit on the couch and watch movies for hours, and you can’t lay in bed all day in self pity. Maybe you can do some of those things a little, but you have to get up and feed your child breakfast. You have to change their diapers and if need be, do therapy time. You can’t cave to your self nearly as much because you must ALWAYS be a mother.

 

There are definitely moments where I think it would be wonderful to lay in bed all day’ Yet, Charlotte will inevitably give me a hug or babble something funny, and I realize that giving up my selfish desires is much more rewarding. If only I could grasp that concept all the time. I know with the arrival of a second child I will have to be less selfish. It scares me, thinking about what I might have to give up. But I know that God calls us to a life of service and it is in service to God and to others that we find joy. I forget all too often and think doing my own thing will make me happy. I am praying that with Margaret’s arrival and the extra work it will require, God will equip me and remind me of the joy that is found outside of my self.

 Charlotte and Lilly:

 

 I won’t lie; I want to pout when I think of the next two weeks. I have to go to the OB every week from here on out, and her office is about 1hr from my house. Along with those visit we have Charlotte’s SB clinic (2 days in B’ham) and the following week Urology (also 2 days in B’ham). Then I will only have two weeks before my due date. And like most expectant mothers I still have a list a mile long I need to accomplish before Margaret arrives. And what if she arrives early?!! I am trying to remember those wise words by Elizabeth Elliot: “God does not grant us grace for our imaginations. It is ‘this day our daily bread.’”

 Yes, I am only 4.5 weeks from d-day and there is much to do. But on the much much brighter side: I won’t have to be pregnant any more!! And even more wonderful, I will get to meet this tiny being who kicks and squirms in my belly. This child who God knew before I even had an idea of her. This little girl who I know will add so much joy to our family. I can’t wait to meet you Margaret and my heart sings when I think of your sister meeting you for the first time.

 

She can be so serious but when she smiles it rocks my world!

 

SO very thrilled she gets to be a big sister.

 

"Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth/ Would care to know my name/ Would care to feel my hurt"

I wanted to quickly post pictures from Easter before we head to Birmingham for Charlotte's surgery.

We decided to celebrate the silly side of Easter (bunnies, egg hunts, etc.) on Saturday and leave Sunday as the day to celebrate the RISEN KING. I think we will stick to this way of doing things. Charlotte's basket was duck themed this year. I had a blast filling it from the dollar section at Target!



a little sleepy



The girls had a blast looking through their loot together.





And what is Easter without a bunny ear headband!


Sorry Dad but I'm going to have to say Lia wore it best :)


Now for the Hunt!





Charlotte wasn't a fan of the bunny ears.



The girls did great together and by the end had combined all their eggs.



We actually managed to get a family photo on Easter which are few and far between these days.



One of my favorite parts of the week was blowing bubbles with Lia. She LOVED them.



I love how children remind us of the joy of simple things.



And her enthusiasm reminds me so much of Henry.



It was a wonderful week and hard to see it end, especially knowing what lay ahead. Sunday, as I drove back from a wedding in Auburn to pick up Charlotte in Covington, the weight of the week hit me. This surgery is not so sudden or frightening as shunt surgery. Yet, I realized as I drove that once again I will have to leave her to a nurse she doesn't know in a place she doesn't like. I cried most of the way home and prayed for strength. It made me think of Eve and the curse that is inflicted on all mothers. Yes, birth itself is a painful process but I think our consequence is more than the pain of labor. It is the continuous pain of loving a human being so much. It seems that this is our course as mothers: the great joy mixed with the great sorrow of having our hearts roaming outside our body.

My heart breaks as I think of what lays ahead this Wednesday. Yet, God has been continuously faithful to our family. I am so grateful for how well Charlotte has done. He has blessed me beyond measure by bringing Ben and I together, giving us Charlotte, and now Margaret. He places trials in all our lives and I know they are small compared to the burden of what we deserve. I'm asking that He once again protect my daughter, give me strength and courage as her mother, and even when it seems against the grain: "to count it all joy".

"To every thing: Turn, Turn Turn. There is a season: Turn, Turn, Turn. And a time for every purpose, under Heaven."

I hope everyone has had a joy filled Easter. We headed down to celebrate the Holiday in Covington. Charlotte and I are still here. Ben kindly agreed to let us stay for the week so we could have some much needed family time. She is napping right now so I thought I’d take the time to catch up.

We have had a wonderful visit with my family. Saturday, was a full day with an Easter egg hunt for the girls, a birthday party at lunch for Dana, my mom, and myself, and a Passover supper that evening. The Easter Hunt was tons of fun. We put Charlotte in her braces so she could practice walking to find the eggs. Both girls seemed to have a grand time and were quite content with 3 or 4 eggs. Lunch was delicious and like all meals at my parents, I ate till I was ill. I’m not sure when my parents started the tradition of celebrating Passover but we have done it since I was little. This year the girls babbled and watched curiously as we recited the traditional sayings. I am sure in a few years they will be participating in the festivities.

Sunday we celebrated the joy of Easter with a wonderful service at the church I grew up in. I always love coming back and visiting with the many friends who have prayed for me since I was a child and who now pray for my daughter. The body of Christ is an amazing blessing in my life. A very special treat was getting to see my lifelong friend Meghan and her sweet baby Josey. Holding Josey made me so excited for the arrival of Margaret. After visiting with friends we headed back to my parents and stuffed ourselves with way too much food. In fact, that is what I have done this whole week! I’m afraid my OB is going to give me a weight warning at the next visit.

I took many pictures of all the festivities but will have to wait to post them till I’m back home. And it will most likely take me awhile because next week is CRAZY. Saturday, I have a wedding outside of Auburn and then Sunday I’ll head back to Covington to pick up Charlotte and drive home to Scottsboro. Monday, she has a pediatrician appointment for a physical in preparation for her eye surgery. Tuesday morning we have an official closing on our new home and that afternoon we head to Birmingham. Wednesday is Charlotte’s actual surgery but we still do not know times yet. We are praying it will be in the morning because she is not allowed to eat or drink after midnight. We are also hoping to head back home that same day so that she can recover in familiar territory.

These busy weeks are making time fly by! I can’t believe I’m only 7 ½ weeks from my due date!! And I have belly pictures.

These are at 30 weeks:




And I snapped these today (almost 33 weeks) for a more up to date look.





As you can see, my belly is expanding at rapid rates. I am already bigger than when I delivered Charlotte. I suppose that is from the fact that this is my second pregnancy and the muscles in my stomach aren’t what they use to be. Not that I’ve ever had much in the way of ab muscles though!

My mom and I were thinking that Margaret might be a bigger baby since I’m getting bigger this time around. However, I had an OB apt last Thursday and was measuring a bit small. They sent me in for an ultra sound to make sure Margaret did not have any growth retardation. She measured at 30 weeks and I was at 32, but they said everything look good which was a huge relief. She was also breech during the ultrasound and I am greatly hoping that she does not get comfortable in this position.

Other than being on a See food diet (I see it, I eat it), leg cramps, and some very bad back pain (mostly due to therapy with Charlotte) this pregnancy seems to be going smoothly. The 3rd trimester is always long and I am so ready to be out of maternity clothes; especially as the weather heats up. But I also feel the anxiety of all that I have left to do before Margaret’s arrival. May doesn’t seem quite as crazy as this month. Yet, we do have 2 clinics for Charlotte which can be fairly draining.

I was lamenting to my mom that I keep making daily to do lists and then I never can accomplish all that is on them! I know, and here I am vacationing at my parents :) I have gotten a few things accomplished while I’ve been here. But I came because I felt the need for a break and perspective. The world continues to revolve even though I haven’t sewn pillows for Charlotte’s bed or organized Margaret’s closet. I feel like I’ve spent much more quality time with Charlotte since I have been home, because I haven’t been running around trying to get all the to-do’s done. And I know I need to savor this one on one time with her. Things will soon be different and my time will be split between two girls. I don’t consider this a bad thing but it makes me know I need to cherish these moments.

And speaking of cherishing moments….Ben and I recently took Charlotte for her first boat ride since last summer. She was not a fan of the wind, but once we got to the point of merely trolling she had a wonderful time.




She kept wanting to reach out and touch the water. Had I not been securely holding her, she would have climbed head first into the lake. Charlotte also touched her first fish that her daddy caught for her. I see a pink fishing pole in her future!