Monday, November 22, 2010

"I believe in everything, in everything I'm a believer...and I believe/ In the voices out here/ Tellling me to hold on/ But let go of my fear"

I have a moment’s break as Charlotte sleeps. What am I thinking??? Well, I am thinking how on earth is it almost Thanksgiving?!!! I have been trying to get organized and pack for a long week in Covington, and I can’t get over that it’s already the holiday season. I have packed Charlotte’s bag and have organized my clothes, but my plan to clean the bathroom before leaving is hanging over me like a lead weight. I have walked in our bathroom several times with the intention of starting, but then I get this childish thought: “but I don’t wanna” and the bathroom remains a wreck. It has to be done, so I’ve decided that I will force myself to get scrubbing after our afternoon walk.

That’s right, the girls (Charlotte and Lilly) and I are going for a stroll to soak up the beautiful weather while it lasts. It’s glorious outside. Plus, I’m trying to stick to my exercise regime. I started Tuesday. Mostly, I do videos in the morning, because that is when Charlotte is at her best and actually seems to like watching me do yoga. I had no idea how grossly out of shape I was until I started these videos. Every muscle has been sore this week…even my toe muscles. And I’m a little sad because I see no results; all that ab work and nada. Yes, I know; it has only been a week, and these things take time; especially when all your abdominal muscles have been sliced in half. I guess I’ll have to keep crunching and hope that it all pays off in the end.

As I read my bible this morning, I kept thinking of all that I have to be thankful for this season. I look back on this year and am in awe of God’s provision in my life. He has truly blessed me beyond measure. All too often I lose sight of all my heavenly Father has done. I get caught up in the day to day grind. I get bogged down by laundry and cleaning. I complain about sleep and lack of free time. I get short tempered and my patience is thin. I am ungrateful and short sighted. I prayed this morning that God would open my eyes to all He has done. I prayed I would better treasure the earthly gifts He has placed before me and that my heart would seek things of eternal nature. Yes, I still have to clean the bathroom, but I must be grateful that I have a bathroom, running water, and a place to feel clean. I have SO, SO much.

But I also know that joy is not based on circumstances. “Giving thanks is different from being thankful…When I give thanks to God for a trial or difficult circumstance, it is not a feeling of thankfulness but a decision of my will to choose to trust God and thank Him in spite of my feelings” (Dillow). Much too often I get wrapped up in how I feel. Our society places so much importance on feelings and tells us to act out our feelings. I have done this all too often and it always gets me nowhere. When has yelling or slamming doors done any good? No, I must look past my feelings which are often sinful and my worse enemy. I must look to a God who is bigger than my circumstances. I want to be able to say, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.” I want to be a woman whose heart is filled with joy in plenty and in want.

Charlotte started crying, so I had to feed her. Then we went on a walk/jog, and now I’m back to finish up my ramblings.

We head to Covington on Wednesday for the Holidays, and I am there for a week and a half! YIPEE!!! I am so excited about my extended visit because: I get to MEET LIA!!!! Hooray!! I’m sure I am going to get on Henry and Dana’s last nerves telling them how cute she is and snapping pictures of her and Charlotte together…I can’t wait for that first cousin picture! Charlotte and Lia have the same gown and I think it would be adorable to get a picture of them wearing it. I know it is going to be a wonderful time with my family fellowshipping and eating way too much dressing. Oh, how I love dressing. I’m going to try to only gorge myself on Thanksgiving day…but we’ll see if I actually live up to that statement. I’ll try to blog while I’m there to tell you all about the ruckus but my parents’ computer is slow as molasses so no promises. I pray that you all have a joyful Thanksgiving and are able to fully see the depth and breadth of God’s love for you!!!

…..did I mention the bathroom is still not clean : / …………


Ann said...

That's okay, the bathroom can wait:) Mine certainly is! Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

By the way, Steven was going on and on about Charlotte today. He was like, "I mean, have you seen her eyes? They are so gorgeous!! I can't believe what a beautiful baby she is. I mean really, have you gotten a good look at her?" And he normally isn't a baby gusher.

Kristen said...

Ha, ha, ha! I hope you guys have a great time in C-town. Give Lia a kiss for me!

LB said...

I agree about the bathroom--oh the state that my bathroom (s) is in right now!!! And I also agree about the dressing--LOVE IT.

I am so glad that I was able to see Charlotte (and you and Ben) on Sunday. She is absolutely beautiful. Have fun in Covington. I love a week at home!!

Dana said...

I'm super excited about Thanksgiving!! However, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the thought of Christmas coming right behind! It seems scary enough to rejoin society as a normal person without the added "to-do's" of the holidays! Don't feel bad about being out of shape. We went for our first stroll last night, and it let me know how much work I have to do when the 6 weeks are up! I think you already are a woman whose heart is joyful no matter what the circumstances!! See you TOMORROW!!! Don't speed... but y'all better hurry up and get here! Haha! :)