The misery of selling a house. I can tell you that it is NO fun AT all. I’m a planner. I have an agenda and I always have lists everywhere. As a person my emotions are volatile and my art oriented brain tends to think a little wacky so I like order everywhere else in my life. I like steady. It’s one of the things that drew me to Ben; his steadiness in the midst of my craziness. Selling a house does not fit into the pattern I like. God is definitely trying to hammer some patience into my stubborn heart.
There are two reasons selling a house makes me crazy. The first is having to clean the house in a split second because some one wants to see it in an hour. Yesterday, during my lunch, I scrubbed tile in our shower and Windexed windows in my work clothes. I came back to work pitted out and smelling of Clorox wipes. It’s not that I hate cleaning so much; it’s just that I hate not having advance notice. My mom teases me because when I know people are coming over I have a set cleaning routine. I think part of this is due to the fact that when one is off at work all day it’s hard to fit all the cleaning in and it’s the last thing I want to do at 8pm at night. I would not say I am a total slob, I HAVE to have a clean kitchen and I’d say I keep some areas up to pare. But I’m a project person, so there is always random stuff lying about. And it seems that I can never get on top of clutter that creeps in everyday. Where the heck does that stuff come from?!! Another difference is that it’s not my mom coming over, it’s random people that I don’t know so I feel like toothbrushes and birthday cards must disappear. All the personal effects must be (literally) swept under the rug or in the nearest cabinet. Ben and I have so often rushed to hide things in random drawers that we can’t seem to find anything.
Yet God grant grace, even for the cleaning. Monday I had back home bread and fix shrimp and grits so the evening had been full. But I still had an itch to clean, partly due to the fact that my brother and sister-in-law will be coming in this Friday. I worked hard that night to scrub the kitchen and make sure the guest room was looking nice. I even made an attempt to get on top of that endless clutter. And when Tuesday morning came I actually neatly, made the bed and tidied up our toiletries before work. All this is to say, the house was in more order than usual. So when Ben called yesterday to say I needed to clean during lunch because people wanted to see the house, I was not thrilled but I had a doable amount of work. I even thought, as sweat trickled down my back while wiping our bathroom counter, that God might be helping me to learn to be more orderly.
However I am in need of God’s grace when it comes to timing. This is the second item which I despised about selling. You have worked your heart out to make your home shine to the buyer. It is houses which you love, have made so many memories in, but know it is time to leave. And they come and peak into your life, yet you have no idea of their judgment. You don’t know if they will call or not. And if they don’t, what was wrong with this home you love so much. The unknown. I hate it. I like things to flow from one situation to the next. When I make a decision I want the consequential action to be taken immediately. The timing of selling our house is driving me a bit coo-coo.
Once again, I must remember that God is both sovereign and good. He has a plan for me and it is good. He has also given me tools to use to handle the trial ahead. Soon I will be through with work (yippee for Sept 3) and be able to spend the bulk of my time on keeping up our house. I count this as a blessing from God. His way of giving me a break during the insanity. He has also given me a loving husband who works extremely hard to keep me happy. Ben has been a rock since day one of our marriage and continues to be even when I’m nuts. And greatest of all, God has given me Himself to lean on and rely on. All I must do is submit. I’m stubborn and do not come by submitting naturally but God is wooing me as He always does. His love and comfort are undeniable far greater than anything here on earth. I know that if I open my heart to Him He will teach me great things in the midst of my trials and refine me. I must not be scare of having to be refined but run to it.