"God is so good, He's so good to me"

Well this post has not gone as planned!!! I wanted to quickly jot down a few words and post some fun pictures while Charlotte naps. Key word: QUICKLY. Problems started when I logged onto photobucket and discovered they have changed there editing system so I can no longer quickly create collages. I do not want nor have the time to spend hours creating custom photo collages; hence, this post will be old school and merely place one picture after the next. Next problem, Google chrome. It seems I had to upgrade in order for my blog to work and I don’t like it. I am not computer savvy and am not a fan of change. Anywho, all that is to say this will not be a great blog post 

 Yet on a happier note, Charlotte was once again an amazing sport with her latest surgery. I had been extremely worried about not being able to feed her but she did phenomenal. The night before surgery Charlotte ate everything in sight. I attribute her binge eating to God’s all surpassing grace. The hardest part was once again, handing her over to a nurse and having to watch her leave. She was very distraught and I lost it as soon as she was out of my sight. Honestly, just the memory of it makes me cry. I lost it again when they took me to see her after surgery. I cried mostly from relief and a little from heart ache. It is painful to see your child so vulnerable and small. Charlotte was still groggy from being put under and her bloody eyes broke my heart. Soon after they lead us back we were sent on our way. It was a long and emotional day but it went extremely well. Charlotte recovered quickly from the eye surgery. Intubation made her breathing horrendous for a few days but she finally recovered from that as well. We went back to Birmingham yesterday and were given the great news that her eyes seem to be recovering well. We will go back in three months for a check up.

 

me going wild with editing :)

 

I am thrilled with a good report yet worn flat out. I had forgotten that the end of pregnancy is much like the beginning: completely draining. Charlotte has been very good yet the day to day rigors leave me exhausted. Yesterday, I thought therapy time would literally break my back. I often get frustrated but know that it will be worth the effort. I’ve said to my mom many times that one of the hard and great things about being a mom is the fact that you must give up all vices. It starts when you are pregnant. You can’t drink, smoke, or even have Advil. (I really miss Advil). And it continues on, especially if you are nursing. You can’t call in sick, you can’t decide to sit on the couch and watch movies for hours, and you can’t lay in bed all day in self pity. Maybe you can do some of those things a little, but you have to get up and feed your child breakfast. You have to change their diapers and if need be, do therapy time. You can’t cave to your self nearly as much because you must ALWAYS be a mother.

 

There are definitely moments where I think it would be wonderful to lay in bed all day’ Yet, Charlotte will inevitably give me a hug or babble something funny, and I realize that giving up my selfish desires is much more rewarding. If only I could grasp that concept all the time. I know with the arrival of a second child I will have to be less selfish. It scares me, thinking about what I might have to give up. But I know that God calls us to a life of service and it is in service to God and to others that we find joy. I forget all too often and think doing my own thing will make me happy. I am praying that with Margaret’s arrival and the extra work it will require, God will equip me and remind me of the joy that is found outside of my self.

 Charlotte and Lilly:

 

 I won’t lie; I want to pout when I think of the next two weeks. I have to go to the OB every week from here on out, and her office is about 1hr from my house. Along with those visit we have Charlotte’s SB clinic (2 days in B’ham) and the following week Urology (also 2 days in B’ham). Then I will only have two weeks before my due date. And like most expectant mothers I still have a list a mile long I need to accomplish before Margaret arrives. And what if she arrives early?!! I am trying to remember those wise words by Elizabeth Elliot: “God does not grant us grace for our imaginations. It is ‘this day our daily bread.’”

 Yes, I am only 4.5 weeks from d-day and there is much to do. But on the much much brighter side: I won’t have to be pregnant any more!! And even more wonderful, I will get to meet this tiny being who kicks and squirms in my belly. This child who God knew before I even had an idea of her. This little girl who I know will add so much joy to our family. I can’t wait to meet you Margaret and my heart sings when I think of your sister meeting you for the first time.

 

She can be so serious but when she smiles it rocks my world!

 

SO very thrilled she gets to be a big sister.

 

"Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth/ Would care to know my name/ Would care to feel my hurt"

I wanted to quickly post pictures from Easter before we head to Birmingham for Charlotte's surgery.

We decided to celebrate the silly side of Easter (bunnies, egg hunts, etc.) on Saturday and leave Sunday as the day to celebrate the RISEN KING. I think we will stick to this way of doing things. Charlotte's basket was duck themed this year. I had a blast filling it from the dollar section at Target!



a little sleepy



The girls had a blast looking through their loot together.





And what is Easter without a bunny ear headband!


Sorry Dad but I'm going to have to say Lia wore it best :)


Now for the Hunt!





Charlotte wasn't a fan of the bunny ears.



The girls did great together and by the end had combined all their eggs.



We actually managed to get a family photo on Easter which are few and far between these days.



One of my favorite parts of the week was blowing bubbles with Lia. She LOVED them.



I love how children remind us of the joy of simple things.



And her enthusiasm reminds me so much of Henry.



It was a wonderful week and hard to see it end, especially knowing what lay ahead. Sunday, as I drove back from a wedding in Auburn to pick up Charlotte in Covington, the weight of the week hit me. This surgery is not so sudden or frightening as shunt surgery. Yet, I realized as I drove that once again I will have to leave her to a nurse she doesn't know in a place she doesn't like. I cried most of the way home and prayed for strength. It made me think of Eve and the curse that is inflicted on all mothers. Yes, birth itself is a painful process but I think our consequence is more than the pain of labor. It is the continuous pain of loving a human being so much. It seems that this is our course as mothers: the great joy mixed with the great sorrow of having our hearts roaming outside our body.

My heart breaks as I think of what lays ahead this Wednesday. Yet, God has been continuously faithful to our family. I am so grateful for how well Charlotte has done. He has blessed me beyond measure by bringing Ben and I together, giving us Charlotte, and now Margaret. He places trials in all our lives and I know they are small compared to the burden of what we deserve. I'm asking that He once again protect my daughter, give me strength and courage as her mother, and even when it seems against the grain: "to count it all joy".

"To every thing: Turn, Turn Turn. There is a season: Turn, Turn, Turn. And a time for every purpose, under Heaven."

I hope everyone has had a joy filled Easter. We headed down to celebrate the Holiday in Covington. Charlotte and I are still here. Ben kindly agreed to let us stay for the week so we could have some much needed family time. She is napping right now so I thought I’d take the time to catch up.

We have had a wonderful visit with my family. Saturday, was a full day with an Easter egg hunt for the girls, a birthday party at lunch for Dana, my mom, and myself, and a Passover supper that evening. The Easter Hunt was tons of fun. We put Charlotte in her braces so she could practice walking to find the eggs. Both girls seemed to have a grand time and were quite content with 3 or 4 eggs. Lunch was delicious and like all meals at my parents, I ate till I was ill. I’m not sure when my parents started the tradition of celebrating Passover but we have done it since I was little. This year the girls babbled and watched curiously as we recited the traditional sayings. I am sure in a few years they will be participating in the festivities.

Sunday we celebrated the joy of Easter with a wonderful service at the church I grew up in. I always love coming back and visiting with the many friends who have prayed for me since I was a child and who now pray for my daughter. The body of Christ is an amazing blessing in my life. A very special treat was getting to see my lifelong friend Meghan and her sweet baby Josey. Holding Josey made me so excited for the arrival of Margaret. After visiting with friends we headed back to my parents and stuffed ourselves with way too much food. In fact, that is what I have done this whole week! I’m afraid my OB is going to give me a weight warning at the next visit.

I took many pictures of all the festivities but will have to wait to post them till I’m back home. And it will most likely take me awhile because next week is CRAZY. Saturday, I have a wedding outside of Auburn and then Sunday I’ll head back to Covington to pick up Charlotte and drive home to Scottsboro. Monday, she has a pediatrician appointment for a physical in preparation for her eye surgery. Tuesday morning we have an official closing on our new home and that afternoon we head to Birmingham. Wednesday is Charlotte’s actual surgery but we still do not know times yet. We are praying it will be in the morning because she is not allowed to eat or drink after midnight. We are also hoping to head back home that same day so that she can recover in familiar territory.

These busy weeks are making time fly by! I can’t believe I’m only 7 ½ weeks from my due date!! And I have belly pictures.

These are at 30 weeks:




And I snapped these today (almost 33 weeks) for a more up to date look.





As you can see, my belly is expanding at rapid rates. I am already bigger than when I delivered Charlotte. I suppose that is from the fact that this is my second pregnancy and the muscles in my stomach aren’t what they use to be. Not that I’ve ever had much in the way of ab muscles though!

My mom and I were thinking that Margaret might be a bigger baby since I’m getting bigger this time around. However, I had an OB apt last Thursday and was measuring a bit small. They sent me in for an ultra sound to make sure Margaret did not have any growth retardation. She measured at 30 weeks and I was at 32, but they said everything look good which was a huge relief. She was also breech during the ultrasound and I am greatly hoping that she does not get comfortable in this position.

Other than being on a See food diet (I see it, I eat it), leg cramps, and some very bad back pain (mostly due to therapy with Charlotte) this pregnancy seems to be going smoothly. The 3rd trimester is always long and I am so ready to be out of maternity clothes; especially as the weather heats up. But I also feel the anxiety of all that I have left to do before Margaret’s arrival. May doesn’t seem quite as crazy as this month. Yet, we do have 2 clinics for Charlotte which can be fairly draining.

I was lamenting to my mom that I keep making daily to do lists and then I never can accomplish all that is on them! I know, and here I am vacationing at my parents :) I have gotten a few things accomplished while I’ve been here. But I came because I felt the need for a break and perspective. The world continues to revolve even though I haven’t sewn pillows for Charlotte’s bed or organized Margaret’s closet. I feel like I’ve spent much more quality time with Charlotte since I have been home, because I haven’t been running around trying to get all the to-do’s done. And I know I need to savor this one on one time with her. Things will soon be different and my time will be split between two girls. I don’t consider this a bad thing but it makes me know I need to cherish these moments.

And speaking of cherishing moments….Ben and I recently took Charlotte for her first boat ride since last summer. She was not a fan of the wind, but once we got to the point of merely trolling she had a wonderful time.




She kept wanting to reach out and touch the water. Had I not been securely holding her, she would have climbed head first into the lake. Charlotte also touched her first fish that her daddy caught for her. I see a pink fishing pole in her future!

"You've got, the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen. You've got, me almost melt away."

Has it really been a month since my last blog?! Let’s just say I get a bit stressed and overwhelmed when it comes to moving. But moved we are!!! Thanks to the help of in laws and parents we are pretty well settled. My mom came down and took care of Charlotte so I could actually unpack. It was A TON of work but I am thrilled to be (mostly) out of boxes! My dad even came and helped Ben hang most of our curtains and pictures.

Enjoying our new home:


My favorite decorations, books and pictures:



Even Lilly has a special place:


Charlotte had adapted well to her new home and has even learned to sleep very well in her big girl bed. I know I promised pictures of her bed but it is still a work in progress. Ben is working on a head and footboard, and I still need to paint and sew a few things. Maybe we will have it finished before Margaret’s arrival.

I haven’t managed to take any more belly pics but plan get Ben to snap a photo this weekend. I’m feeling HUGE and I still have 10 weeks to go. That seems like a lot more time for my belly to get even bigger but such a short time to prepare. The pregnancy is going well. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had any bouts of nausea. Now I’m dealing with the typical prego issues like leg cramps, kicks that jab, hot flashes at night, and a zillion trips to the bathroom because this little girl is resting comfortably on my bladder. I am not one of those women who adores pregnancy. I like the end result. And though I don’t feel prepared I will be VERY ready not to be pregnant any more.

Ben and I were sitting on the back porch going: “I can’t believe in two months we’ll have two kids!!” And it’s funny because we both feel new to it all. It seems completely different from Charlotte’s arrival. In many ways I feel like I’m doing this for the first time. I meant to ask my OB if I needed to register with the hospital. Ben and I are both a bit overwhelmed that we will be taking home a newborn. Charlotte was in the NICU for almost two weeks and we had so much preparation from the doctors and nurses on her care. Margaret, Lord willing, will only be a few days old when she becomes our soul responsibility. I know it sounds odd but even though I have a child I sometimes feel like a new mom.

Speaking of my first born: we headed to her Ophthalmologist in Birmingham this past Tuesday. I had been fairly sure he would say that surgery was needed so it did not come as a shock when he did indeed say surgery was the next step. It does not seem nearly as frightening as a shunt revision though I can’t say I’m excited. The surgery will be done at Children’s and typically lasts about 45 minutes. They will correct both eyes at one time, and she will most likely be able to go home that same day. In 25% of cases there is an over correction of the crossing which calls for another surgery. The surgeon also informed us that 25% of children will need this surgery repeated at any given time. Right now I’m praying that Charlotte will be in the 75%. If you are curious why she needs this surgery, the below photo shows how her eyes are crossing.


Actually, in this picture the crossing is not as strong as it can be.

The doctor’s office is going to call with dates in April for the surgery. I would be so grateful if you all once again prayed for Charlotte as she undergoes her fourth surgery. She is a trooper and the surgeon assured us that children this young tend to recover very quickly.

I just flipped through my calendar and my heart started being rapidly. We have a busy spring before Margaret arrives. I am praying that God gives me a joyful heart as things get crazy and peace in all circumstances. Our church recently started a women’s bible study which has been such a treasure to me. A quote from last night’s meeting is still ringing in my heart. “Those that embrace the gospel are able to make sense of their reality.” I am praying that God helps me delve into His word so that even the trying times in my life will make sense in light of His truth.

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying this summery spring. I’ll leave you with a few pictures of a girl who carries my heart around.







I LOVE THIS GIRL!

"All my bags are packed I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye."

If you are wondering why my blog has been my last priority these days…

Exhibit A




Yep, this little girl keeps me on my toes. We continue to do therapy every morning though it’s getting harder on my back as my belly pushes forward. I’m also greatly missing my waist! Unlike most toddlers, Charlotte cannot grip with her legs when you hold her. I use to be able to prop her on my hips which was very useful, but now they are disappearing as Margaret grows. At least I hope it’s from Margaret's growth and not from my insatiable sweet tooth.

The other task consuming all my spare moments:



Packing! Our house is scarily resembling an episode of Hoarders! I won’t lie, I hate moving. I thought it was tough before with no children but with a girl who wants to be in my arms much of the day and a pregnant body, it’s downright crazy.



I also had no clue how much stuff we had till I started packing it all. I swear I’m no pack rat but wow does it take a lot of boxes. It also does not help that my mother passed down her obsession with china to me. You would not believe all the bubble wrap we have gone through.



At least the boxes provide some entertainment for Charlotte.



Currently, our new home is being painted while we finish packing here. Hopefully, we’ll be moving in in the next couple of weeks. I am very ready to be out of the obstacle course of boxes that our home currently is. Yet, I’m curious what Charlotte will think of our new abode and all the changes that come with it. I’m hoping it will not affect her sleep too much.

We are changing her room in an effort to ready for Margret’s arrival. I thought I would do two nurseries but have changed my mind. Instead, we are going to give Charlotte a “real” bed but place it on the floor. My mom had mentioned the idea a while back, and I decided it would be best considering we don’t know when Charlotte will be capable or confident enough to maneuver out of something higher. This way she gains some independence earlier on.

I was relived that I didn’t have to decorate a whole knew nursery but quickly realized Charlotte’s new room would need my work. I have a vision for her floor bed. I want it to look intentional and seem like any little girl’s room. So many things have to be different for her. I want her room to seem “normal.” Ben and my mom are helping turn my imaginings into fruition and I’ll try to post pictures of the progress.
As far as the pregnancy, things seem to be progressing very well. Though I’m huge! Charlotte was little and it was my first pregnancy so I didn’t get all that big even though I felt like I was. I think I’m about the size I was when I gave birth to her and I still have many weeks to go!!! I meant to get Ben to take a picture but forgot so I’ll try to post one as I enter my 3rd trimester. It’s crazy to think it is only moments away.

Though days are spent packing I take Charlotte outside anytime it’s nice.



She loves it and so do I. If you can’t tell yesterday was a bit windy!





Charlotte loves playing in the pea gravel. I think it’s about as great a toy as sand and might have to drag some to the new house.




We’ve had a respite from doctor’s appointments but that will soon change. As I enter my 3rd trimester my check ups will be more often. Charlotte soon has her 18month appointment and I am hoping my tiny baby has finally reach 20lbs. She also has an eye appointment in March where her surgery will be scheduled. SB clinics are not till May but I am thinking of bumping one up in case labor comes a bit earlier than expected.

When I look at a calendar my mind reels a bit with the knowledge that a 2nd child is soon approaching. I’m pretty nervous. I know people have kids close together but Charlotte is still not walking. I often wonder how I’m going to cart two babies around and keep up with Charlotte’s therapy. I love Margret and know it will abound exponentially when she arrives. Yet, once again those fears and desires of wanting to be everything for my children have me in a bit of a panic at times. I also worry about Charlotte being displaced. Then I reminded my self that it is never a good thing to think you are the center of the universe, and the sooner Charlotte learns it the better. And I love having brothers. They are two of the four most important men in my life. I hope Charlotte and Margret are best friends as well.

Who knows when I’ll manage to blog again but I’m guessing it will be after our move. I hope you all are doing well and enjoying the warm bouts of weather when they come. And AS ALWAYS thank you for your prayers and support as our family grows and changes.