Sunday, July 24, 2011

"In You I find my rest/ In You I find my death/ In You I find my all and my emptiness/ Somehow it all makes sense"

My posts have been few and far between lately. Have I been cleaning and dusting fans like I should? NOPE. Have I taken up a regular exercise routine? HAHAHA. Have I been cooking delectable and nutritious meals? NADA. Have I been teaching Charlotte her ABC's? WRONG ANSWER. Have I been spending way too much time crafting and littering every surface with fabric bits and burning my fingers on a hot glue gun? DING DING DING CORRECT ANSWER.

Yep, that is where every spare moment has been spent. I started off doing some crafting for Charlotte's birthday party, and then my need for art took over. Yes, the room is an utter mess, but I have to say that it has been wonderful to feed my creative side; even if the products leave something to be desired. I've got pictures of a few of the projects and will try to post more this week. However, her b-day crafts I'm saving for a special post after the event. Thinking about it makes me go all misty eyed, where does the time go?

Outfits:

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Can you tell I like bows?!

Hair Accessories:

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And just for fun: Clapping

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Charlotte is a clapping fiend these days. It's her response to just about everything. We keep on trying to teach her to wave bye-bye, but Sha-Sha prefers to clap instead. Charlotte also claps heartily before and during a meal. Can't blame her, there have been times when I've wanted to do the same; especially after brownies and ice cream.

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We have done more than craft these past two weeks. We had an absolutely wonderful visit from two of my lifelong best buds, Claire Park and Meghan Patton. It was another one of those days where we had such a good time that I completely forgot about the camera. With true friends, I love how you cannot see each other for ages, but when you reunite it is like no time has passed. I'm trying to talk them into moving from Atlanta to Scottsboro. I mean what does Atlanta have that Scottsboro doesn't? :) Claire and Meghan, if you are reading this: you have always made and continually make my life more full of joy by your friendship!

Visits continued with a quick trip to Birmingham to fellowship with grands, great-grands, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Then it was back to the Boro with Chicha, Aunt Dana, and cousin Lia in tow. I love that these girls are growing up together.

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As always it was wonderful to have a day filled with girls!

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Charlotte and I also had the pleasure of visiting with our newest friend, Abigail Barber. She is perfect in every way and I am DYING to take more pictures of this precious baby.

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Her mother, Ann, amazes me with her wisdom, energy and peaceful demeanour. And she ROCKS as a friend!

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In other news: I can finally wrangle Charlotte's hair into tiny pigtails. She was more interested in the camera than her glamour shot.

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Puppy time is also part of the daily schedule.

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Often, when I look at Charlotte I think she looks so much like Mary, Ben's mother. Yet she is still a mini-me of her Daddy.

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Patching continues as part of the daily routine.

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I will be calling Charlotte's Opthomaligist tomorrow to tell him how I think she is progressing. Unfortunately, I don't think she is getting much better. There were a few days where I thought she might be improving; however, the last few days have changed my mind. I would love your continued prayers in this regard and for wisdom on the next course of action.

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I had planned on writing this blog earlier today; however, an overwhelming need for a nap kept me at bay. Does anyone else think that sheets feel especially good in the afternoon?? Maybe it's because a nap is a luxury where going to bed at night is routine. Naps are a luxury I don't frequently indulge in because: one, I have a very hard time falling asleep, and two, I normally have a list a mile long of other things I need or would rather do.

Yet today rest beckoned, and I conceded. As I lay under covers that felt mysteriously softer than at night, I thought of my growing up years. Sundays were always and continue to be a day of rest in my parent's home. We go to church, come home and eat a delicious meal around the dining room table, discuss the sermon along with politics, weekly events, and other subjects. But then words began to die out and everyone drifts to different sofas, beds, and recliners to find rest. Even when we were little kids, my parents enforced a rest time rule. We could play, but it had to be quietly in our rooms.

I lay in bed today not falling asleep but resting. I thought about God's call to rest on Sunday. Rest is highly undervalued in a society that places all it's stock in what one can accomplish. Thinking of God's call to rest reminded me that my to-do list is not the end all be all. I need to find time to rest, to restore my body, to renew my mind, and quietly listen to God's voice.

Charlotte quickly fell asleep in the crook of Ben's arm. I listened to her quiet murmurs harmonizing with Ben's deep breathing. I cuddle up to her and sunk into the smell of all things familiar. I touched her tiny hands, and my heart was full of love for these two people that lay sleeping beside me. I am blessed beyond measure.

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I take many pictures, but they can not capture every moment of love and happiness. There are moments like our family nap today that are beyond the realm of a camera. I told myself to remember this. Esther, remember how small she is cuddled up to her father. Remember the smell of sheets, Ben's deodorant, and Charlotte's no tangle spray. Esther, remember her small hands lying on her daddy's chest. Remember the warmth coming from the sun drifting through the window and the tiny toes brushing your legs. Remember the soft nursing sounds she makes in her sleep and how tenderly Ben's arm is wrapped around her. Esther, remember the joy and peace of this moment. Savor it. When life gets chaotic and trials come, remember moments like this. Remember all that your Heavenly Father has given you and find peace.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

"You know we've come along way/ we're changing day to day/ But tell me, where do the children play?"

Charlotte slept until 7am yesterday morning. This was shocking since she usually starts to rouse around 5-5:30am, if not earlier. Did I enjoy some much needed rest? Nope. Instead I played the part of the neurotic mother, and it was Oscar worthy. When I awoke at 5:30am and didn’t hear a peep, for one brief moment I thought, “Oh good, I can sleep some more.” This quickly faded into anxiety about suffocation in blankets and other nightmarish ideas. I cranked the monitor WAY up and prayed for Charlotte to make some kind of noise in her sleep to let me know she was fine. God, answered and the fear of blocked air ways passed. Finally, I could sleep. Hahaha. I said I needed an Oscar for this role didn’t I?! My brain cranked into overtime as I wondered why on Earth Sha-Chi was still dozing. Excessive sleep is one sign of shunt malfunction, so many fears started looming in my heart. I got up, made coffee, and tried to tell myself she was fine. Consequently, I am pretty terrible at convincing myself of anything. She finally awoke around 7am, and I prayed she would be playful the rest of the day, that her eyes would look normal, that she wouldn’t be excessively fussy or tired, and that there would be no vomiting (all signs of shunt malfunction).

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Charlotte is doing great, fears were all for naught. In fact, she is rolling around on the floor with her new favorite toy: a tape measure. I try to be cool, calm, and collected, yet anxiety can quickly take the place of peace and contentment. When I was worried about the shunt malfunctioning a few weeks ago, my father said, “So what if her shunt malfunctions?” And it made me think, what if it does? It’s almost inevitable. I know the signs and what I need to do. The doctors have proven themselves more than capable, and most importantly, God has proven himself trust worthy. Why do I not want to let go, to hand over her shunt, her wandering eyes, her unformed hip, her lack of muscle, all her issues to the one who created her and loves her more than I do?

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I think it is a mother’s biggest struggle: with unclenched fists and an open heart, put her children in God’s hands. Sometimes, I wonder if I love Charlotte too much. Yet, I don’t think that is really the case. I think my problem is that I don’t know God well enough. It is something I’m working on; to know God well enough that all of me wants all of Charlotte under His control.

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This summer is flying by at ludicrous speed. We are trying to soak it all up, from the blistering hot days to days consumed by the darkness of a summer storm.

We’re having fun:

Playing in the nursery with Nana:

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Swimming at the Smith’s wonderful pool:

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"She wore an itzy bitzy, teeny-weeny, PINK polka-dot bikini..."

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Thank you so much Jennifer! We hope to be back soon!!

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We had guest 4th of July weekend. My father, brother Will, and his girlfriend Nadia came down for a night. Most of the time was spent catching up, laughing, and lounging. Charlotte adores her Papa and especially loves to take a nap in his lap.

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Or just snuggle:

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That night we headed over to my in-laws for a delicious 4th of July celebration.

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Charlotte loved pulling out her patriotic bow that I found at Walmart for a buck. She also loved playing on her Pawpaw's lap.

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There is something awesome about watching your children interact with their grandparents.

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Charlotte continues to handle the patches amazingly well. As promised I have more photos of their various designs. Hope they make you laugh as much as they do me!

Sunglasses and winking!!!

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And my personal favorite: Studious Charlotte.

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She is just trying to be like her Papa.

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Plus, Charlotte needs her glasses for reading.

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The patch designs keep me laughing and the mood light. Yet, I still love to see both those eyes looking up at me. Her eyes which make me realize the depth of my ability to love is beyond reason.

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